Last updated: 05/6/15
A lot has been said about love. Some of that has been hilarious.
This is a curated sub-category. Check out our full collection of love quotes.
Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.Oscar Wilde
I love you like a fat kid loves cake.Scott Adams
Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.Richard Jeni
Love is hiding who you are at all times. It’s wearing make-up to bed and going downstairs to Burger King to poop.30 Rock
It wasn’t love at first sight. It took a full five minutes.Lucille Ball
Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.Joan Crawford
Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.Natasha Leggero
Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it.George Carlin
I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.Unknown
First love is a kind of vaccination which saves man from catching the complaint the second time.Honore de Balzac
I love you and it’s getting worse.Joseph E. Morris
You call it madness, but I call it love.Don Byas
Love thy neighbor — and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it will be that much easier.Mae West
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.Oscar Wilde
Love is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty interesting questions.Woody Allen
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in loveAlbert Einstein
Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties.Jules Renard
A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in love.Friedrich Nietzsche
All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.Charles Schulz
Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.Lynda Barry
A touch of love, everyone becomes a poet.Plato
A youth with his first cigar makes himself sick. A youth with his first girl makes everybody sick.Mary Wilson
People should fall in love with their eyes closed.Andy Warhol
Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.George Burns
Love sucks. Sometimes it feels good. Sometimes it’s just another way to bleed.Laurell K. Hamilton
I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?Jean Illsley Clarke
Love means nothing in tennis, but it’s everything in life.Author unknown
Love, I’ve come to understand is more than three words mumbled before bedtime.Nicholas Sparks
Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.Albert Einstein
I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.Rita Rudner
Love is being stupid together.Paul Valery
Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.W. Somerset Maugham
You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale.Hussein Nishah
If loving someone is putting them in a straitjacket and kicking them down a flight of stairs, then yes, I have loved a few peopleJarod Kintz
Love is like war, easy to begin but hard to end.Leo Buscaglia
What the world really needs is more love and less paper work.Pearl Bailey
The only thing worse than a boy who hates you: a boy that loves you.Markus Zusak, The Book Thief
Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor after her husband has walked across it in his barn boots.Unknown
No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying.Unknown
If you love something set it free, but don’t be surprised if it comes back with herpes.Chuck Palahniuk
I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough.Russell Brand
Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.Charlie Brown
Love doesn’t make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.Franklin P. Jones
Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby- awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess.Lemony Snicket
It is easier to love humanity as a whole than to love one’s neighbor.Eric Hoffer
Love; A temporary insanity curable by marriage.Ambrose Bierce
People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.Bob Hope
You could empty the trash and my love for you still wouldn’t fit inside. But just because it won’t fit, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t empty the trash. Jarod Kintz
Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner.Jerry Seinfeld
The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because generally they are the same people.G.K. Chesterton
Related: The Funniest Relationship Quotes
Only time can heal your broken heart, just as only time can heal his broken arms and legs.Miss Piggy
To love someone as much as you love yourself, that is the ideal. Especially if that someone is your clone. Jarod Kintz
