Heartbroken Man Misses Grandmother's Funeral - His Coworkers Go on a Secret Mission (2024)

Living far from family is never easy, especially when you’re in a different country. The miles can feel insurmountable, particularly when tragedy strikes.

For Jarom Ngakuru, a New Zealander of Māori descent living in the United States, this reality hit hard when he was unable to return home for his grandmother’s funeral.

The Distance Was Heartbreaking

When Jarom Ngakuru's grandmother passed away, he faced the devastating realization that he couldn’t afford to make the trip back to New Zealand to say his final goodbye. The pain of missing such a significant family event weighed heavily on him, leaving him feeling isolated and heartbroken in a foreign land.

Ngakuru's coworkers, aware of his deep sorrow, were determined to find a way to support him. They understood that being unable to attend his grandmother’s funeral was a profound loss, and they wanted to help him honor her memory despite the distance.

Bringing New Zealand To America

In a remarkable act of solidarity and respect, Ngakuru's American colleagues embarked on a heartfelt mission. They secretly learned the Haka, a traditional Māori dance performed at significant events such as weddings, funerals, and other major life milestones. The haka is more than just a dance; it is a powerful expression of respect, love, and unity.

The group of coworkers, led by Ngakuru’s brother-in-law, who is Tongan, dedicated themselves to mastering the intricate moves and deep significance of the haka. They worked tirelessly, and within a day, they were ready to surprise their grieving friend.

Ngakuru was unaware of his coworkers’ plan until the moment they gathered to perform for him. The emotional weight of their gesture was overwhelming. As they danced, the depth of their respect and understanding of his culture shone through, bringing tears not just to Ngakuru’s eyes but to everyone who witnessed the powerful display.

He shared the poignant moment on his TikTok page with the caption, "Hardest part about living in America is that we live so far away. I couldn't make it home for my nan's funeral and I was BROKEN! So my boys at work learned the haka without me knowing and brought home to me."

A Viral Video That Touched Many Hearts

@jaromngakuru

Hardest part about living in america 🇺🇸 is that we live so far away. I couldnt make it home for my nans funeral and i was BROKEN! so my boys at work learned the haka without me knowing and brought home to me 🇳🇿🏠 #haka #grateful #maori #newzealand #brothers #fyp #foryou

The video quickly went viral, touching the hearts of countless people. Comments poured in, each one reflecting the profound impact of the haka and the extraordinary act of kindness shown by Ngakuru's coworkers.

"I don't think they even understand how beautiful of an act this is," one person wrote.

"There is so much depth of emotion attached to the Haka I uncontrollably cry every time. This was beautiful," another said.

"Well I'm sobbing like a baby in my office now," a commenter revealed.

"You can feel the mana [spiritual power] and the aroha [love] they have for you. They know your mamae [hurt], what a beautiful tribute to you and our culture. Arohanui [deep affection] for your loss," someone else wrote.

Ngakuru's brother-in-law, who led the haka, explained that he had taught their friends the dance in just one day. The impressive dedication and heartfelt effort showcased the true spirit of friendship and support.

A Lasting Memory

This incredible act of compassion and cultural respect created a memory that Ngakuru will carry with him forever. It was more than just a performance; it was a profound gesture of unity, understanding, and love. His coworkers’ willingness to embrace and honor his heritage in such a meaningful way brought a piece of New Zealand to America, bridging the distance and providing comfort during his time of grief.

This story is a testament to the power of human connection and the lengths we can go to support one another, even across vast cultural and geographical divides. It reminds us that no matter where we are in the world, we can find ways to bring home to those who need it most.

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Heartbroken Man Misses Grandmother's Funeral - His Coworkers Go on a Secret Mission (2024)

FAQs

Is it bad to miss a grandparents funeral? ›

Is it wrong to skip a funeral? The funeral is a chance to pay your last respects to a person before they are buried or cremated. But the funeral isn't really for the deceased, it's for the living. It would only be wrong to skip a funeral if someone else is relying on you to be there.

Is it disrespectful not to go to your grandmas funeral? ›

Funerals are emotional events and if there is family conflict, estranged relationships, or other reasons that can make the occasion uncomfortable, then the better personal choice may be to not attend. Funerals are a way for friends and family to say their goodbyes, reminisce, or grieve, and ultimately find closure.

Should you go to your friends grandmas funeral? ›

If your co-worker, friend, or family member loses someone they love, be sure to attend at least one of the funeral events, whether it's a visitation, wake, or funeral service. Funerals are for the living, not the deceased, and your presence at the funeral is more important than you know.

How do you deal with missing a funeral? ›

Offer to help in any way you can, or make a donation to a charity that's important to the family and the person who passed away. It's important to acknowledge your absence but still keep the focus on the family and their loss. No matter how guilty you might be feeling, remember that this isn't about you.

Is it disrespectful to skip a funeral? ›

It is certainly not a given that everyone can attend a funeral service and it is not disrespectful if you cannot be there in person. It must also be your decision; it is completely up to you. There are many reasons why you may not be able to do so, and it is not always straightforward.

Why does losing a grandparent hurt so much? ›

Loss of a grandparent in later life

If you were particularly close and leant on them for emotional, social or other support, then the loss is likely to be acutely painful. It can even cause the loss of relational identity, loss of a support network and other secondary losses.

Who should not attend a funeral? ›

If you did not know the deceased but are close to the grieving family, then it is a way for you to show your support to them. If you feel your presence will make the family of the deceased uncomfortable or if it is a private event, do not attend the funeral.

When should you not have a funeral? ›

For example, if you don't believe in the afterlife then a traditional funeral might not feel right for you, as this is a focus of religious ceremonies. Some people dislike the somber nature of funerals and prefer the idea of a joyful event that celebrates the life they've led.

Should you go to your boyfriends grandmas funeral? ›

As a general rule, if you feel like you want to attend the service and you've been invited, then you should attend. If you didn't know the person who died but you have a relationship with the bereaved—even if only a casual relationship—your attendance can help to make the bereaved feel cared for and supported.

Should you go to a coworker's mother's funeral? ›

Even if you didn't know the person who died, if the funeral will be local and especially if the person who died was a member of your co-worker's immediate family, it is very appropriate for you to attend the funeral.

Is it okay to just go to visitation and not funeral? ›

It's typically considered more important to attend the funeral service. Perhaps you'd feel more comfortable only attending the funeral; however, you might like the chance to speak to the family in a more relaxed setting at the visitation. As long as you're kind and respectful, the choice is yours.

How do you tell someone they are not welcome at a funeral? ›

In some instances, honesty is the most effective method. If a family member who has been at odds with others contacts you, explain that you would love to have them attend, but that you are concerned that doing so would create tension at the service.

What is a funeral where no one attends? ›

An Unattended Funeral also referred to as a direct or unattended cremation, is ideal for those who would prefer a simpler funeral. An Unattended Funeral is different to a traditional funeral as there is no funeral service beforehand and no mourners present at the cremation.

How do you deal with grief of a missing person? ›

Give yourself time to feel sad, but try to do something daily to bring yourself joy. Contact other friends and ask them to check in on you or consider talking to a therapist. Losing someone can be overwhelming, and a therapist can help you work through it and be able to function in your daily life.

Is it messed up to miss a funeral? ›

If you feel uncomfortable or think that others might be upset by your presence, it is perfectly acceptable to not show up. If you really want to attend but don't feel comfortable, you can say goodbye on your own terms instead of attending the service. You can also have your own private memorial.

Will I regret not visiting a dying grandparent? ›

This decision holds immense emotional significance, as it involves the possibility of regret. Whether you decide to visit or not is a deeply personal choice, influenced by cultural beliefs, personal values, and the complexity of familial relationships.

Is losing a grandparent trauma? ›

The death of a grandparent may be one of the earliest bereavements we experience. Whether the loss of your grandfather or grandmother was expected or sudden, grief can be overwhelming and is a natural response to losing someone you care about. Here are some real stories from people grieving a grandparent.

Is it bad to not have a funeral for someone? ›

Funerals are not required by law, but when someone dies, their body must be buried or cremated. The family doesn't have to hold a funeral or memorial service if they would not like to. There are several reasons people consider avoiding a funeral: Cost.

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